I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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