so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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