The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
