at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
