My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
