one two three fourrrrnication!
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
