Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
