i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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