So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
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