We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
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