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Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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