come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
