Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
