just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
