can we get nightvision for the apartment?
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
