Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
