You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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