I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
