just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
