Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
