i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
