laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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