I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
