So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
