I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
