my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
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