I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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