i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
