i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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