my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
