Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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