U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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