My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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