i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
