Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
