I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
