There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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