just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
