I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
