someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Randomize