he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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