11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
