He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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