dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Randomize
