hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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