Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
