No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
