Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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