oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
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