3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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