so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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