i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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