On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
All I want is dick and wine.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
