Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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