If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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