Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
