my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
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She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
i think my cat just said my name.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
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