Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
