i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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