we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
