do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
