he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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