we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
