everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
