not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
