...so i touched it.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Randomize
