make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
