You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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