Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
