totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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