Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
