Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
