And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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