She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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