Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
