I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
