I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
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I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
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I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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