thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!