Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.