I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
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i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
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I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.