Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.