What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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