My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
