just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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