Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
My balls are so social today.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Randomize
