During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
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