walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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