I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
