Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
