how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
