I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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